Trust issues and the fear of losing control

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We all have them at one point in our life. Maybe because someone we thought we could trust betrayed us. Or we were experiencing a situation where we could not control the outcome and just had to deal with it.

For me, personally not being in control was and still is a big issue I have to deal with quite a lot.

I can fully admit that for most of my life I have been a little control freak. Always planning my days, weeks, months and years. I even wrote down the exact time I was gonna do my laundry or walk my dogs. 

Can you imagine what my calendar looked like? Yeah, funny…not funny.

The need to control everything

I know that this strong need to plan and control every aspect of my life is a result of some kind of trust issue, too. My rational mind fully realizes that I can`t control everything.

Yoga taught me that control is just another illusion. It made me understand that I should just trust in the Universe (you could call it God, Divine, whatever) to handle all the stuff I am obsessing about.

Ishvara Pranidhana

Surrendering your ego to the Divine – the last one of the Niyamas.

For a long time Ishvara Pranidahna, the last Niyama of Patanjali`s Yoga Sutra, one of the most important yogic texts, was something I did not quite get. Or let`s say I wasn`t willing to accept it.

Then Covid19 came along at the beginning of 2020 and my whole world got flipped upside down. This world as we all knew it changed tremendously and I was like: “Whoa, wait a second. That´s not how it`s supposed to be. I didn`t plan for that outcome and I lost it for a minute or two.

Meeting Allowah

And something wonderful happened. I met Allowah through an online Yoga teacher training. Allowah, who opened up a whole new outlook on everything or maybe he helped me to open it myself. Who knows?

 I am still not saying that this virus was a gift, but it certainly was an eye-opener and a life-changer for me.

By talking to Allowah somehow I realized that the last couple of years or maybe decades I lost my true self somehow. I started to remember who I really was before society, school, work and everything that surrounded me changed me somehow into someone I never felt comfortable with. And for that I will be forever greatful. Thank you Allowah from the bottom of my heart.

I am still not back to how I saw the world as a kid and maybe I never will but I am feeling a lot more like my true self again and that is simply amazing.

Yes, I still am a big planner. I know that by planning and trying to control a lot of aspects in my everyday life I put stress on me, which is unnecessary a lot of the time. 

Balance, structures and stability

But planning some things also helps to structure your days and decreases stress, too. Structures give our life stability and to some degree ease our minds. So it could definitely be helpful if it doesn`t get to the point where you obsess about every little detail.

I am working on a healthy balance between structuring & planning and just going with the flow. There are a lot more situations where I do not plan and try to control every possible outcome anymore. Simply because I trust in the Universe to handle it and just have some faith and that feels amazing, too.

Trusting in a higher power

Trusting in a higher power, if you wanna call it that, is really freeing. It lifts a heavy burden off of your shoulders. A burden we often forgot about. 

Ishvara Pranidhana is not about walking around without a care in the world and a silly grin on your face all the time. No, it is more about the acceptance that even though we will have some rough times everything will be fine in the end. 

And if it isn`t fine it is not the end as Oscar Wild so eloquently put it.

So maybe it is time you start trusting in the bigger picture and letting go of fears, mistrust and the need to control every little aspect of your life. Because life is meant to be lived to it`s full potential and not to be planned out every second of it.

Have fun living your best life.

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